Mythical creatures. Do they exist? Some say that in the Amazon, Vampires lurk, among the strange plants, strange bloodsuckers waiting for blood and a tasty human morsel to abate their insatiable thirst.
Late in the night, when you hear dogs howling, you enslaved by insomnia but tired enough to hallucinate, do you imagine werewolves baying their violent and lonely souls out with the dogs.
Are you like me, wont to sudden bouts of imagination? Do you imagine what you would do if there was a sudden apocalypse where even your loved ones became glassy eyed and started walking slovenly towards you muttering “Braaainnnsss” like a hyper realistic Plants vs Zombies come to life?
I mean you can hardly escape the stuff. TV feeds us a balanced diet of sarcastic humor, nudity and mythical animals. 40 year olds can not wait to get back home and hook on to the latest GOT episode.
We are hooked on to this mythical creatures scenario because it could not be far away from the truth and it does not scare you because, well,’myth’
Now, what if I told you you’re living or have interacted with these creatures? Let me show you how below:
Werewolf: Akin to the mythical creature in European lore, Werewolves only turn at the full moon. The full moon in this instance can be a metaphor for problems.
When you’re having problems of any sort, the werewolves will come out of the woodworks. The fake friends who tear you apart, the Satan you are dating who erodes your confidence “Guys, give up. You just cant do it. “even me I have not done the coursework, “guess who I saw with who” and so many more.
Werewolves show their true colors soon enough happily.
Remedy: Weed them out. Cut off connection with all suspected werewolves.
Vampires: Vampires are much harder to detect because they are clever, mask themselves so well. The vampires in your life are well attached to the aorta and are slowly draining your lifeblood.
Vampires are what we call the influencers. They are the first step to a bad decision. If you had a friend and they suddenly went off the deep end, went crazy and all for one person, that person is a vampire.
If you have a partner and the partner suggests that it is better to give them your tuition money for a trinket or a night out, Vampire! If every time you do something to impress someone but after that you feel dirty and awful, vampire!
Vampires make you addicted to seeking for their approval; you feel like you should live up to their standards and these are usually the shallow, self seeking, self effacing standards. Vampire I tell you.
Vampires drain you of soul. They date you, emotionally feeding off of you, financially draining you, eating your spirit until they leave you the shell of the person you once were. They are never grateful, never satisfied.
If you have ever dated a person and you don’t remember any happy times, hello, Vampire! And true to the Vampire tradition, contact with a Vampire may leave you one. (Ergo,50% of the fuckboys and fuckgirls you have met were turned by Original fuckpeople)
Remedy: Cut them off as soon as you know. If you feel sad because so and so made a disparaging comment about your physical features, it is not worth it. IT HAS never been worth it. Madea once made a comment I resonate with, “if someone controls your mood, they control you.” If you have a friend who is being courted by a Vampire;save them. Become a hunter and protect your own.
Most of you usually have a person among your friends who is annoying,uncouth,disorderly, and who serves no particular purpose except to feed off of you.
The one who turns up, urges you all to go and drink and somehow you pay. The inveterate borrower in the group. “Some 1k Ill pay back in December” but December never came. Do you know that person your friends ask why you’re friends with them but you have no real answer? Yeah,they the walking dead.
They have no real goal in life except to eat and drink and make merry and will not develop themselves or advance in life. Compared to Vampires and Werewolves these are harmless yes, and most of them are delightful people. But that which you find so attractive about them “they are so free” is not freedom but lethargy, laziness. They are caught in a mind trap, People who they say “Oyo atambula naye muffu.” If you associate with them for too long, they will eat your brains too. Trust me.
Remedy: If you love them and want them to stay in your life. Kick start them. Have a sit down and tough love the hell out of them. If you don’t want them around; the curb awaits your kick.
Thank you for reading this far. You are my favorite reader.